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Better... - The Bitch Zone
Thought bubbles by the terminally bitchy...
It's Friday and at work, the week seemed to breeze by because we were so busy. A possible new client was visiting on Thursday, and like most offices, we had to look like we were hard working geniuses who apparently don't have anything that needs filing, have spotless desks and all look like we stepped out of the pages of a 'Dress for Success' manual. *g* For me it's not hard. I mean, I can't stand folks who can't seem to at least dress in decent office casual. For a law firm however, they're incredibly lax. Most of these kids (and they're mostly in their early 20's so my old ass can get away with the term) have no clue. Flip-flops when we've got a client visiting? Is there a problem with neatly pressed pants and shirts--heck they even make T-shirts that look nice and office-ready--Target is full of them and for a good price. Nothing wrong with Kmart either. Decent clothing doesn't take lots of money--you just have to care what you look like when you walk out of the house. For me, dressing well to face the day is like putting on my armor and allows me, even when sick as a dog, to face the world.

I'm still playing the waiting game regarding treatment--not sure why I haven't been scheduled for radiation treatments. Monday I'll call the Cancer Center and talk to the social worker. Rather than stressing, which is my usual mode, I'll use her to advocate. I've finally realized it's time for some changes and actually doing those things that relieve the anxiety and stress and upset and it feels...great. I met with a Legal Aid attorney to work out a will and such and figure out power of attorney so that the kid is covered when I die with regard to my portion of the house and what few assets I've squirreled away for her. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be and again, after 2 years of avoidance, it felt...great.

I finally broke down and found someone trustworthy to help with me some hobby stuff. I'd been holding off--not because I didn't trust this person to help, but because I ...you know, it's hard to describe...I've no clue. Finally crying 'HELP' felt wonderfully freeing. Getting the aid felt even better and it's a major load off my mind. Again, just asking felt...great. Sometimes you have to realize when your independence is hurting you and just..ask.

Nothing is perfect, and nothing has changed really but in the last day or so I just feel as if no matter what, it's going to be okay and nothing and no one is going to get to me.

Current Mood: relaxed relaxed

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ymp From: ymp Date: September 23rd, 2007 12:35 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad to hear things are more... relaxed, even if you don't know when you're schedualed for radiation. At least it's just part of your noggin this time. Thanks for the update. :)

And this is my last session up here - I've got internet, but the wireless is pretty piss poor. However, Oct 10 or so I'll be back and ready to write and to step up better with ADE. I regret that I haven't had the chance to do things better with it... life gets in the way, you know? Not like your cancer does, but I'm finally doing what I spent 5 years in university to do, and it feels good. :)

Take care of yourself!
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